


Baby on Board

by orangina



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Babies, Canon Related, Curses, Domestic Fluff, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-02 23:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8688514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangina/pseuds/orangina
Summary: When Benni wakes up one morning to find that Mats has been transformed into an infant, he not only needs to figure out how to take care of him, but why it happened in the first place.





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me where I got this idea from because I honestly don't know! Thought I was done with Hömmels, but this was way too much fun _not_ to write. It ended up being pretty long for a one shot - about 7.3k total - so I'm posting it as two chapters. If you'd rather read the whole thing in one go, I'll have the second part up within the day or so.
> 
> One note, there is a major logistical issue seeing as Benni lives in/near Gelsenkirchen and not Munich (you'll see what I mean once you read it). I decided to ignore it since it doesn't really have an effect on the plot. BUT I just wanted to let you know that I am aware of this and not just stupid lol.
> 
> Enjoy!

The last thing Benedikt Höwedes expected to wake up to on a Saturday morning was a baby in his bed.

Really, the last thing _anyone_ expects to wake up to any day of the week, especially when they’d fallen asleep with their significant other the previous night, is a baby in their bed.

Granted, Benni and Mats had not exactly fallen asleep _together_ last night. Rather, they’d spent much of the evening arguing because Mats never picked up his dirty clothes off the floor, so Benni went to sleep in the bed and Mats went to sleep on the couch, but Benni was pretty sure he’d heard Mats crawling into the bed sometime later that night when he’d thought Benni was sound asleep and wouldn’t notice.

But, alas, there it was. A baby. Lying on its back, wrapped in a onesie with red and white stripes, balling up its fists and then releasing them again as if it had just realized it could control its hands.

Benni leaned over carefully and touched the baby’s cheek with his finger. It was warm. Yep, definitely a real, alive baby.

“Dammit, Mats,” he muttered to himself as he rolled back. He picked up his phone off the bedside table and immediately called his boyfriend. God, Mats was _so_ in for it this time.

It went straight to voicemail, so Benni left a message in an angry yet quiet voice (he didn’t want to disturb the poor estranged child). “This is not funny, Mats Julian,” he hissed. “One, whose infant did you kidnap? Two, why? Three, where the hell are you?”

Wait - where _was_ Mats?

Benni thought back to last night.

_“Why is it that I’m always cleaning up after you and feeding you and buying stuff for you because you can’t get your goddamn shit together? I mean, I know that’s kinda how things are when you live together, but really, you can’t put your nasty sweaty underwear in the laundry after you shower? You are honestly such a baby. I’m living with a child, I can’t believe it. Do you need me to start changing your diapers too?!”_

Could it be - ?

No. It couldn’t. That was impossible.

But then again, where was Mats?

Benni had a terrible, stomach dropping feeling that Mats was right next to him, wearing a striped onesie.

\---

After pacing the bedroom for five minutes, Benni had come up with a plan. A wobbly one, but a plan nonetheless.

First and foremost, he had to take care of the baby. Mats or not, it was still a helpless baby. Second, he had to call up Schalke and come up with an excuse as to why he couldn’t play today.

The difficult thing would be explaining what had happened to Mats. He could keep it a secret for the day, maybe a couple days even. But people would soon start to wonder why Mats Hummels had disappeared and why Benedikt Höwedes suddenly had a baby.

Just as he was beginning to think, the baby started to cry. Benni raced over to the side of the bed to pick him up. Wait, how was he supposed to do this? Was he supposed to support the baby’s head? What if he squeezed the baby too hard?

“Shhhhh…” Benni said. Nervously, he slid one hand under Mats’ back and scooped him up, holding him upright with the other hand. “It’s okay, it’s okay…” he shushed.

He sat on the edge of the bed and began to rub Mats’ back with his fingers. The baby was so small; Benni was worried that he’d crush the poor thing with his giant hand. He prayed that Mats would calm down and snuggle into him, but he only remained stiff and screamed even louder.

“We’ll get out of this Matsi, I promise,” Benni said desperately. He had no idea if the baby understood him, if Mats’ mind was trapped in there somewhere. But it was worth a try. “I’m gonna take care of you, I promise.”

For a while, he alternated between rubbing and patting the baby’s back. God, this was all his fault. If only they hadn’t gotten into that stupid fight last night, if he hadn’t said what he’d said, if he’d only accepted Mats for who he was, flaws and all, because he should know by now that you can help a person reach their potential but you can’t change who they truly are…

Mats was starting to calm down and even relax into Benni’s hold now. His cries were turning into gurgles and hiccups, so Benni perched him against his chest. “Let’s try to burp you, shall we, baby?” he said and started to thump Mats’ back as gently as he could.

It didn’t take long for Mats to burp. Benni nearly jumped when it happened. It was _loud_ , and right in his ear, too. He could hardly believe that that noise had just erupted from a body that small. And luckily for Benni, Mats wanted to give a little extra goody too in the form of spit-up, which dribbled down his chin and onto Benni’s shirt.

“Oh, dear.” Benni held Mats out in front of him at arm’s length. For the first time since he’d “met” him, baby Mats looked a little bit happy. His eyes were shining and his mouth cracked into a two-toothed smile. Then the giggling started. Benni shook his head. “Think it’s funny now since you’re a baby that you can spit up on me? Huh?”

This just made Mats giggle even harder. Benni smiled too, then laid down on his back and held Mats above him like he was an airplane. Mats squealed in delight and drooled some more.

“Oops,” Benni said as he wiped it off.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

\---

Benni didn’t have a crib, so he had to make a makeshift place for Mats to nap. He ended up pushing two armchairs together so it was closed on all sides and the baby couldn’t roll out. Then he layered a clean blanket across the cushion. He lay Mats on top of the blanket on his back. And then he stood there.

“Okay. Goodnight,” he said.

Mats stared up at Benni as if he were insane.

“I have to deal with some things. Like, you know, calling up one of your teammates to tell them that you won’t be able to play defense for Bayern Munich today. Ugh, what am I gonna do?”

Benni ran his fingers through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut. “Please just fall asleep,” he grumbled. He realized, that he, too, would have difficulty falling asleep if he were covered in dried tears and spit up, but a bath would have to wait till later because the logistics situation was getting inevitable and the panic was beginning to settle in. It had been pure shock at first, but the reality of what was happening was sinking in now. How on earth was he going to worm his way out of this? He couldn’t hide in the house all day; he had no baby food or diapers. And even if he made it past this weekend, what was he going to do about the baby? What if Mats stayed as a baby for the rest of eternity?

Benni pressed his wrists hard against his eyes and saw stars. He had to think hard… he’d gotten into this by complaining about Mats being immature. Did that mean he could get out of it by praising and appreciating Mats until he returned to normal? Or did it work the opposite way and he simply had to take good care of him and love him in all his helplessness?

“Ah ga,” Mats said.

“If you fall asleep for half an hour and let me deal with this then I’ll feed you and give you a bath, okay?”

“Ba ba ba.”

“Thank you. That’s very helpful,” Benni said.

“Da da.”

“Nope, not quite. I’m not your daddy.”

He opened his eyes then. Mats’ mouth was stretched into a wide smile.

Benni couldn’t help the smile on his own face. Every time he looked at that damn baby. “Okay, fine. Da da. Now sleep.”

It took quite a bit of coaxing, but the baby eventually lulled into a state of drowsiness, and Benni was able to turn his attention to his cell phone. He had to do this fast because having a baby screaming or babbling in the background as he made his phone calls would create more problems than it would solve.

The easiest and most obvious excuse would be claiming sickness. But he couldn’t use that same excuse for both him and Mats, so he had to come up with another one. Injury? No, that was too similar, it would be suspicious. Family emergency? No, because then if there actually WAS a family emergency one day he’d look like a flaker.

Man, this was hard.

Maybe, just maybe, he could tell the truth. To one person. And that would be all.

Slowly, he pressed the phone to his ear and listened to it ringing. His heart beat faster with each successive ring. Maybe he wouldn’t pick up -

“Benedikt?” Weinzierl said.

“Oh. Yeah. Um. Hi. So, I’m actually feeling a bit sick today and don’t know how good I’ll be for the match…”

It sounded pathetic, but lying had never been Benni’s strong suit.

“I’ve got a fever,” he added quickly. “Oh, and vomiting. Loads of vomiting.” He gulped, then coughed for good measure. _Please don’t start crying, Mats, please don’t start crying…_

“Guess the flu has been going around,” Weinzierl remarked, sounding convinced enough. “Take good care of yourself. We need you for Europa League on Thursday.”

“Right. Okay. Good luck,” Benni said. Then he hung up, immediately trying to erase that nightmare of phone call from his brain. If that hadn’t been the epitome of awkward, he didn’t know what was. He shivered, took a few deep breaths as he tried to regain the feeling that the nerves had knocked out of his arms.

Now came the hard part. But at least he’d be talking to an old friend.

He dialed up Manu’s number, praying that he’d answer because he honestly did not know who else he could talk to from Bayern. Manu might not _believe_ him per se, but at least he’d trust him and wouldn’t pass it off as Benni just being a nut case.

“Hey,” Manu said.

“I need your help,” Benni said.

“Whoa, easy there. I just woke up.”

“This is serious. Mats can’t play today.”

There was a pause. “What happened?” Manu said worriedly.

“Oh, shit, sorry. Nothing happened. I mean, something _did_ happen, but he’s okay. At least I hope. This is gonna sound batshit crazy, but just believe me, okay?”

“Okay…”

“Mats is a child.”

“The sky is blue. Marco Reus is injured. Now can you give me some actual news?”

Benni pressed the phone between his ear and shoulder so he could wring his hands together. “No. I mean, he’s an actual _baby_. Like, I woke up this morning and he was in a onesie and he’s a baby! I know it’s him, I know I sound crazy but I’m one hundred percent sure it’s him because - ”

“Wait - ”

“Just let me explain.” Benni was getting frantic. “We had a fight last night, and - ”

“Stop, just stop. He turned into a baby?”

“Yes.”

There was another pause. For a moment, Benni thought that Manu was hyperventilating, but then realized he was just trying to hold in laughter.

“Alright. Okay, I’m sorry,” Manu said, then snorted.

Benni wanted to reach across the phone and slap him. “You done yet?”

“Yeah. Okay, sorry for laughing. But, it’s just, the same thing happened to me and Thomas last year. He turned into a baby. I figured that it happened because I was drilling him all the time about how immature he was, but then I just took really good care of him as a baby, unconditional love or whatever, and he was himself again by the next day. No terrible twos or puberty or anything, it was great. You just have to feed him and change his diaper and burp him and stuff. Reminded me that babies are cute until you have to spend more than ten minutes with one.”

“So you’re saying it’s not permanent?”

“No, definitely not.”

“God, you’re the best Manu,” Benni gushed. He was so relieved. He couldn’t wait to get started showing his unconditional love. Hell, he’d change diapers all day if it meant that he could have Mats back.

“Does this mean I get to meet him? I wanna be able to give him crap at training on Monday about all the embarrassing things he did,” Manu said.

“Fine, but I’m not supposed to leave the house because I told Weinzierl that I have the flu.”

“Trust me, as long as you have the baby, no one will recognize you. We’ll make it a fun evening. I’ll bring Thomas and Robert and Joshua. They won’t be a problem because Thomas is an idiot and Robert is Polish.”

Benni was too happy to think twice. “Sounds great. Well, I gotta go, I have a baby to take care of. Good luck at your game. You’ll cover for me?”

“I gotcha. Good luck with the little one. See ya later,” Manu said.

They said goodbye and Benni hung up.

The good news was that he now had information.

The bad was, it turned out, information doesn’t make it any easier to take care of an infant.

\---

Mats let Benni know that he was done with his nap by screaming his head off. Benni wasn’t even halfway through his müsli when he had to run back into the living room.

And, sweet lord, it _stunk_ in there.

“Oh, come on now. Please, no. I don’t have any diapers.”

Mats was screaming so hard that Benni could see his little stomach moving up and down. Taking pity on him, he rushed over and scooped him up. He looked like a mess. His dark hair was clumpy, not like the soft baby hair it should have been, and snot was bubbling out of his nose.

_Okay. Think fast. Bath, temporary diaper, run to the store for diapers and baby food._

“Matsi, baby, shush, shush…” Benni bounced him up and down gently, hoping the rhythm would calm him, and it seemed to work a little bit. Until he stopped so that he could get the bath going. Then the baby crying started again.

This was not going to work.

Maybe he was hungry? But what did Benni have to give him? Could he give him regular milk?

Quick internet search, one-handed (his other arm was preoccupied with the baby). Nope, regular milk isn’t good for babies. What else could he try? Something soft. Mashed banana and applesauce. Perfect.

Benni placed Mats back in his “crib” and hurried into the kitchen. He knew very well that adult Mats loved bananas, so hopefully baby Mats would like his breakfast. Hastily, he peeled a banana, mashed it up on the counter then threw it into the blender. The screech of the blender combined with Mats’ cries coming from the living room made for quite the cacophony.

Fortunately, by the time the food was ready, Mats had stopped crying enough so that Benni could bring him into the kitchen, perch him up on his thigh, and try to feed him.

“What’s wrong baby?” Benni asked. “Do you feel yucky?”

Mats gave a little _waah_ of agreement.

Benni picked up a chunk of applesauce with a plastic teaspoon. He brought it slowly towards Mats’ mouth. Mats abruptly stopped crying, his big eyes fixated on the spoon.

“Say ‘aaaah’,” Benni instructed. He opened his mouth wide, hoping the baby would imitate him.

Mats’ mouth remained very much closed.

“Aaaaaah,” Benni said again to no avail. Feeling impatient, he prodded Mats’ small mouth a bit with the spoon.

He wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but a few seconds later, the spoon was halfway across the kitchen and the applesauce ended up everywhere but the place Benni wanted it to be. “NA NA,” Mats cried, clearly upset.

“Goodness,” Benni exclaimed. Needless to say, moving on to the bananas became very tempting.

“Na na!” Mats babbled.

“Banana,” Benni said, slowly and clearly, as he tried the spoon motion again, this time with banana.

“Ba ba,” Mats said.

“Ba,” said Benni.

“Ba,” Mats repeated.

“Na.”

“Na.”

“Na. Ba-na-na,” Benni said.

“Ba ba ba!” said Mats, waving his arms excitedly. When the banana mash touched his lips, he seemed to like it. He started making grabbing motions with his tiny hands, eventually latching onto Benni’s shirt.

The feeding was tedious, but Benni could safely estimate that a good fifty percent of the banana mash made it into Mats’ tummy. Most of the rest of it was on Mats’ face and onesie. When he was done, he put down the spoon and stuck out his thumb. Mats grabbed it and squeezed. Benni grinned.

“So you want something to play with, huh?

“Ba ba ba!” Mats squealed, and then he cracked a grin that made Benni wish he hadn’t left his phone in the living room.

\---

Benni gave Mats a bath, and then he made a makeshift diaper out of an old hand towel and safety pins. He hadn’t the slightest inkling how effective it would be, but all would be well if he could make it to the store and then figure out how to change Mats into a real diaper before he pooped again.

Aside from having to redress Mats in the old onesie, the baby was fresh as a morning. He was soft and smelled good. Benni was proud of himself. He even managed to walk to the store and back without any baby drama and without being recognized. If only it were all to be topped off with a Schalke win in a couple hours.

The first thing Benni did when he got home was lay a towel across the kitchen table, put Mats on top of it, and strip off his onesie and “diaper”. Then he ripped the pacifier he’d bought at the store out of its package and washed it in the sink before tucking it into Mats’ mouth. Mats peeked up at Benni with a look that translated into _I don’t know what the hell you just put in my mouth but I kinda like it._ He seemed to be distracted by the pacifier, figuring out how it worked and making quiet little sucking noises, so Benni took the opportunity to try and figure out the mystery that was the diaper. He unfolded it and then lifted Mats’ legs up to place it under his bum, a moment whereupon Mats seemed to think it would be a good idea to open fire all over himself and Benni’s sweatshirt.

“Are you serious?!” Benni groaned, but he quickly took pity on the tiny human. It wasn’t Mats’ fault, after all, that he was a baby, so what better way to get revenge on the person whose fault it _was_ than to pee on them?

As he cleaned up with baby wipes, Benni thought he saw a flash of amusement on the baby’s pudgy little face and shook his head in equal amusement. This baby was _so_ Mats, no question about it.

“Yeah, you just keep sucking on that pacifier and pretending you didn’t do anything…”

Fortunately, aside from that incident, the task wasn’t as complicated as Benni had always imagined it would be. All he had to do was secure the diaper shut around the baby’s hips and then redress him in the new onesie he’d bought at the store. It was furry and had a hood with sheep ears that Benni thought was adorable. Mats looked so cute, in fact, with his sheep onesie and pacifier that Benni just had to take a photo.

“I can’t wait till you’re back to normal so I can show you how cute you were,” Benni said aloud as he collected Mats off the table.

He set up Mats on the carpet with some wooden play blocks he’d bought and a plush Erwin doll that he had around the house, then stripped his sweatshirt and returned to the kitchen to wash his arms with hot water and soap because as adorable as the baby was being right now, Benni wasn’t _that_ tolerant.

“Alright, how about we put on some music, Matsi. What do you think about that?” Benni announced once he was done freshening up.

Mats was too preoccupied drooling all over Erwin to give his opinion.

“Alright, I get to pick then. Hm. How about Taylor Swift?”

Benni put on _Shake It Off_ , which he thought might be suitable for a baby because it was upbeat and had that fun saxophone part. Mats was very still at first, evaluating the new sounds he was hearing. But right when Benni had concluded that he didn’t like it and was about to change it, the baby started to wiggle around and bop up and down.

“Are you dancing?” Benni asked as he started to laugh.

Mats giggled, and if this wasn’t the cutest thing Benni would see all day, he didn’t know what would be.

\---

At 3:26 p.m., Benni flipped on the television so that he could watch his team play. By halftime, he was just about ready to check himself into a mental asylum. Taking care of a baby was a hard and lonely job. And poor Benni wasn’t even sure if his baby would ever “grow up”.

“Why can’t you talk to me?” he moaned.

Mats sucked his pacifier in response. All baby Mats did, in fact, was suck, coo, gurgle, babble and hiccup.

Benni was splayed across the couch with a carton of eggs on his chest, which he’d planned on opening so that he could hard boil a couple of them, but he’d gotten distracted while taking it out of the refrigerator. Upon realizing this, he heaved an enormous sigh, got up to put them back in the fridge, and returned with a more appropriate snack: a gallon of milk.

In the past few hours, the baby had had three crying fits, two naps, and one poopy diaper. He was now lying on a pillow on the floor, trying to sit up and becoming frustrated when he couldn’t. He spat out his pacifier and started to whine.

“Please don’t cry,” Benni whispered. He already felt like he was doing a crappy enough job; he didn’t need a miserable baby to make him feel even worse. Pursing his lips, he bent down and picked Mats up, sitting him up on his chest as he laid back down. “Better?”

Mats didn’t look happy, but he didn’t start to cry either. 

“Why did this have to happen, Matsi?”

Benni knew that you couldn’t really change people, and that really, people didn’t change. They can bring out something that’s been hidden inside of them but ultimately can’t change who they are.

In other words, it was fruitless to try and get Mats to pick up after himself. Fruitless and much less efficient than just taking five seconds to put the dirty clothes in the laundry himself.

Benni still loved him, and Mats still loved Benni. And right now, all Benni wanted was his lover back.

Instead, he had a baby who wasn’t really Mats at all. The baby represented the part of Mats that Benni thought he despised. But it wasn’t real because Benni didn’t despise Mats at all.

For some reason, being with someone who wasn’t real was even lonelier than being with no one at all.

Right now, the baby was staring at Benni. He stretched out his arm, reaching for Benni. Benni lifted his head up obediently, and Mats proceeded to grab his hair. “Ouch,” he said automatically, even though a baby wasn’t strong enough to really hurt him.

For a while, Mats entertained himself with Benni’s thinning hair, and Benni managed to fall asleep, hugging the baby delicately to his chest.


	2. Part II

For the record, waking up with a baby directly on your chest is even more of a shock than waking up with one in your bed.

Benni was so startled that baby Mats almost fell over. It took a few minutes for him to remember what was going on and figure out that it was past six o’clock in the evening and that he had several text messages and missed calls.

Mats hiccuped loudly to let Benni know that he was there.

“Oh shit, I have to feed you!” Benni jumped up, baby still in arms, and prepared a bottle of formula as fast as he could. He stuffed it into Mats’ hands then began to attend to his phone.

_From: Manu - Hey we’re on the way!! Be there in 10_

That had been sent five minutes ago. Shit. Benni hadn’t looked in a mirror all day, but he didn’t need a mirror to tell him that he looked like absolute trash. He stuck Mats back in the makeshift crib and then began to race around the house, throwing on some real clothes and pushing his fingers through his hair and downing a cup of cold coffee which had been sitting out since yesterday and then tossing some baby stuff into a bag. By the time he was ready, his friends were knocking on the door. “Coming!” he yelled, picking up the baby on the way.

He opened the door, and there stood Manu, Robert, Thomas and Joshua, who was standing up on his tiptoes behind the other three, trying to get a better look at the baby.

“So that’s actually him?” Thomas wanted to know.

Meanwhile, Manu had gone all googly eyed. “Ooooh look at you! Someone’s a real cutie, aren’t you?!” he cooed, bending over slightly to touch the baby with a curled finger.

“Mats motherfucking Hummels,” Robert added in strongly accented German. “Back at it again with the bullshit.”

Joshua was giggling, simply excited to be hanging out with all the veterans. Benni scowled. “So are we actually gonna go somewhere or are you guys just gonna stand in the doorway dicking around with the baby?”

“Chill out,” Thomas said.

Benni rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything else. It was probably best to keep his mouth shut. Nothing good would come out of it, seeing as he’d just woken up after having spent his entire day with an unsolicited infant. He let Manu hold Mats, who proceeded to yank the goalkeeper’s hair, bat at his face and shriek happily.

“You like me, huh?” Manu said proudly.

“He likes you cause you save his ass whenever he plays shit defense,” Benni said before recalling that he wasn’t supposed to open his mouth.

“Ay, chill,” Thomas said again, putting his hand on Benni’s shoulder. He stepped into the foyer, allowing Manu, Robert and Joshua to pass Mats around in a circle and ooh and aww while he spoke with Benni. “We’ll take care of him tonight, you just worry about having fun. Trust me, you’re gonna need it cause later’s gonna be a bit rough.”

“Wait…” Benni said. He hadn’t even considered what might happen when Mats transformed back into himself and figured that now would be a good time to ask someone who’d gone through it. “What’s gonna happen?”

Thomas lowered his voice. “Don’t stress about it now. It’s hard, but it’ll be okay. Just remember what you’re there for, okay?”

“Okay,” Benni said, a little nervously.

Thomas squeezed Benni’s shoulder and winked before rejoining his three teammates in the baby-admiring circle.

\---

The first part of the night went well. Naturally, five renowned soccer players going out to eat together generated attention and they each posed for a few photos, but remarkably, no one took any notice to the baby. It was almost as if Mats wasn’t even there. A bit spooky, Benni thought, but convenient. This curse worked its magic in a mysterious way.

It was only about halfway through their dinner and after several beers that Mats started to get fussy. Manu cradled him for a bit, Joshua fed him, and Robert tried the pacifier, but neither this nor that seemed to do the trick, and other diners were starting to crane their necks and, once the fussiness turned into full blown wailing, shoot ‘why can’t this person control their child’ glares.

Benni abruptly felt very hot, looking around panicked at his friends for more help.

“Maybe check his diaper?” Robert suggested.

“It doesn’t feel full…” Benni said, holding Mats up to inspect him.

But Thomas looked grave. Benni took the hint, saying, “Guess I’ll go check anyways, though,” and standing.

Thomas followed him to the back of the restaurant, where they closed the door behind themselves in the family-changing room. Thomas wasted no time.

“He’s in pain.”

A shiver ran down Benni’s arms. “Why?”

“The good news is it means he’s starting to transform. The bad news is that...it hurts, Benedikt. It hurts like shit.”

Benni nodded and swallowed thickly. Absently, he placed Mats on the changing table and started to undress him. Suddenly, his emotions were getting the better of him. All the confusion and frustration was finally catching up. Mats was in pain, and it was his fault, and there was nothing he could do about it except wait it out.

“Hey…”

Benni felt Thomas’ hand on his back and hung his head. There were Mats’ big brown eyes looking up at him - _Mats’_ eyes, not the baby’s - and they were pleading. Pleading for it to stop hurting.

“I’m sorry,” Benni said, his voice breaking. Thomas was hugging him now, his cheek resting on Benni’s shoulder, unable to offer any other words of comfort.

\---

Manu offered to stay with Benni that night, but Benni declined. He had a feeling he needed to spend this night with Mats alone.

Benni tried to feed him, but he whined and made an even bigger mess than he had that afternoon. He wouldn’t even take any of the baby Tylenol Benni had picked up on the way home, as per Thomas’ suggestion. Five minutes later, Mats threw up on his sheep onesie, and Benni’s own stomach sloshed around at the sight of it. This wasn’t harmless baby spit up. Mats was sick. Benni noticed a difference in his cries, too. He wasn’t screaming for attention in short bursts, but sobbing mellowly, as if putting that much effort into crying was too painful.

Benni cradled the baby in his arms, looking at him sadly while he whimpered and blew spit bubbles, his eyes brimming with unshed tears as he stared back at Benni. “I know, I know…” Benni whispered. He wished Mats could at least tell him where it hurt or what he wanted. But he couldn’t. That was the whole point of this endeavor. Benni had to care for him unconditionally because he loved him unconditionally.

_‘Just remember what you’re there for.’_

Benni now understood what Thomas meant. He wasn’t there to be the perfect companion, and neither was Mats. They weren’t together because they agreed on everything or because they never argued. Benni was there, and Mats was there, because he wanted to be there and put in the effort. That was what love was - not a desire, not lust, but a choice.

Well… if Mats refused any medicine, then the only other option aside from taking away the pain was distracting him from the pain. The question now was what kind of distraction would work. Something that would distract an infant, or something that would distract Mats?

He would have to try both.

It took some time to unearth, but it was worth it when Benni managed to find his old copy of _Pat the Bunny_ in the attic. His mother had read it to him when he was a baby and then packed it away for him to read to his own children one day. He hadn’t had to recall it since she stored it away that one day over twenty years ago, but now seemed like an appropriate time.

Benni sat down on the couch with Mats in his lap and the book in hand. Mats pressed his head stiffly against Benni’s chest.

As Benni read the book, Mats relaxed. “Here are Paul and Judy. They can do lots of things. You can do lots of things, too,” Benni read. Mats sucked his pacifier in approval.

“Judy can pat the bunny. Now YOU pat the bunny,” Benni read, taking his tiny hand and helping him to feel the furry bunny on the interactive page.

“Paul can smell the flowers. Now YOU smell the flowers.” Benni held the flower illustration up to his face and gave it a sniff. The sweet scent had faded with the age of the book, and Benni wasn’t quite sure if he was really smelling anything at all or if it was just his memory triggered by nostalgia. But he let Mats smell it anyway, figuring that if Mats’ mother had read him _Pat the Bunny_ too he’d have the same nostalgia.

Mats relaxed even further, and Benni kept going. Mats dropped his pacifier and giggled a bit when Benni made a funny face in the mirror, and he loved sticking his finger in the mother’s ring. His most favorite page though seemed to be the one about the father.

“Judy can feel daddy’s scratchy face. Now YOU feel daddy’s scratchy face,” Benni read. He didn’t need to guide Mats this time because Mats was touching the page himself, feeling the sandpaper on the father’s cheek. When Benni tried to turn to the next page, Mats became rigid again, so there they stayed.

Eventually, baby Mats burrowed himself into Benni’s arms and fell asleep. Benni stroked his soft baby hair in a feeble attempt to extend the moment, enjoying it before things got worse as they were bound to do.

And worsen things did. Well into the hours after midnight, Mats cried himself to sheer exhaustion and then fell asleep, only to wake up again, and Benni would pace around the house, rubbing his back and wondering if he should call Manu after all. He tried to go for a ride in the car at one point, hoping it would sooth Mats as it did with some babies, but all it accomplished was upsetting Mats’ stomach even more.

At four in the morning, Benni couldn’t take it anymore; he had to sleep. He lay Mats back in the same place in the bed where he’d found him this morning and then crawled in next to him. He waited until he was certain that the baby was sleeping and wouldn’t wake up to allow himself to drift off.

\---

When Benni woke up the next morning, the sun was pouring in through the unshaded windows. Everything felt normal, and in fact, he couldn’t even remember anything having gone wrong yesterday. The sun was shining, he was rested (maybe not _well_ rested as his head pounded a bit, but rested was good enough), Schalke had won yesterday, and Mats was still sleeping, meaning that if he were quiet enough he could get some stuff done without having a grown child on his back about making breakfast or begging to have sex -

Wait.

Mats. The baby was gone. _He was back to normal._

“Mats,” Benni croaked. He reached out and touched his boyfriend, who was dressed in nothing but a pair of shorts. Benni’s fingers burned at the touch; Mats’ skin was _hot_. “Mats,” he said again.

Mats rolled over and coughed.

“Oh my god, you’re _you_ ,” Benni exclaimed.

“What?” Mats croaked, blinking against the sunlight.

Benni opened his mouth, then closed it again and decided to save the explanation for later. “How’re you feeling?”

“I feel like I just rose from the dead.”

“Do you, um, remember anything unusual happening yesterday?”

“Hey, I score more goals than you do. And come on, you know I don’t drink - _fuck_ that hurts - drink that much… Close those damn blinds for me, will you?” Mats had tried to sit up but ended up pressing his temples and falling back onto the pillow.

That tugged something in Benni’s heart. “Of course, baby.” He got up to do as Mats had requested, grabbing his phone on the way back and pulling up yesterday’s scores. Sure enough, there it was - _Hummels 52’, Bayern 1-0 E. Frankfurt_.

This had been a very, very odd spell indeed.

He closed out the scores and opened up his photos to find the one of Mats from yesterday in the sheep onesie. The only problem was that it wasn’t there. He swiped back and forth, but the only thing coming up was a backdrop of the kitchen where the photo had been taken.

Benni felt like he’d lost someone.

He tried to reason with himself, tell himself that Mats was right there next to him… but that baby hadn’t really been Mats. And now it was gone, every trace of its existence gone, as if it hadn’t even been there.

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to swallow back that awful, tight feeling you get in the back of your throat right before you cry, but the feeling was there to stay. He got up and turned away from Mats as quickly as he could. He didn’t want Mats to see him break down this early, especially when Mats was already feeling bad and had no clue what was going on. “You need an aspirin?” he asked from the doorway, his back still to Mats, hoping the shake in his voice wasn’t noticeable. Mats responded with a grunt that Benni took to be a _yes_.

He went into the living room first, then the kitchen. Nothing was there. Not any of the bottles or baby food or onesies or the pacifier. Everything was as if nothing had happened. The only change had occurred in Benni’s heart.

Tears slid down his cheeks as he stooped down to get the bottle of aspirin from the cabinet.

He returned to the bedroom with a glass of water and the bottle.

“Why are you crying?” Mats asked.

There was no use in hiding it anymore. Benni set down the glass and the pills on the bedside table, crawled back in and hugged Mats tightly, sobbing into his shoulder.

“Benni, what…” Mats hugged him back, even though Benni could tell from his tender movements that he was tense and aching, but it still felt good for Benni to have someone to steady his shaking body.

“I’m such a shitty fucking boyfriend,” Benni sobbed.

“You are not. I must have a crap immune system or something because this is like, the third time I’ve had a fever this month - ”

“You don’t know what happened.”

“Then tell me, because you’re acting weird and I’m worried.” Mats pressed a kiss to Benni’s forehead, his lips hot and cracked dry.

And Benni explained everything. His voice steadied as he went on, and when he was finished, he looked up tiredly at Mats, who wiped the tears off his cheeks and eyelashes with his thumb.

“Wow. No wonder I was so sick last night.”

“Do you remember?”

“I kept vomiting in the toilet, but I guess your recollection is a little different from mine.”

“Yeah. You don’t exactly make much of an effort to make the toilet in my recollection,” Benni said. Mats stretched his mouth into a smile which quickly faded back into a frown.

“I hope you’re not beating yourself up over this,” Mats said, sliding his hand down to cup Benni’s cheek. Benni’s eyes fluttered shut; Mats’ hand was so clammy. He heard the sheets rustling and he opened his mouth to let Mats kiss him slowly, feeling the warm breath of his boyfriend expanding into his own lungs. His heart rate slowed, and for the first time in 24 hours, his body relaxed and sunk into the mattress.

Benni licked Mats’ lips, the stubble on his upper lip prickly on his tongue, then tilted his chin down to end the kiss. “Are you at least feeling better than you were last night?”

“Of course I am. I’m so lucky to have you. And I mean that.”

“I can’t believe I changed your diaper,” Benni said, giggling.

“I can’t believe you didn’t end up needing _Babies for Idiots 101_.”

Benni shoved him.

“I’m the luckiest man in the world,” Mats said, ignoring Benni’s pretending to be offended and taking his hand. “Listen to me.”

“I am,” Benni promised, looking directly into Mats’ eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul, they say. But not Mats’ eyes. Mats’ eyes were dense and opaque and Benni could never tell what he was thinking just through his eyes. They weren’t the kind of eyes that were romanticized in novels. And right now they were as dark as ever as he began to talk in the smooth, calming voice that Benni loved but seldom heard; Mats only talked this way when he needed to.

“Everyone gets angry and frustrated. I do, too. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. Love isn’t perfect and it isn’t always beautiful, which I think some people don’t understand. They want to live in perfect harmony and never argue, but a little bit of arguing is a good thing. It means that each person isn’t letting themself be controlled or absorbed by the other, because that’s unhealthy. Love happens between two different people, and everybody is flawed in different ways so that pretty much guarantees it’ll never be perfect. And that’s the beautiful thing about it. Have you ever noticed how beautiful things are usually fragile or temporary? Sunrises or fall leaves or robin’s eggs or those sea shells that are always chipped? They disappear and they break, but they’re still infinite. The sun will always rise and the leaves will grow back and turn pretty colors again.” He paused to make sure Benni was still listening. “People might look for a fairy tale but that’s not what love is.”

“What is it, then?”

“I don’t know, but whatever it is, we’ve got it.”

They were both quiet for a minute, rolling their thumbs over each other, simply enjoying each other’s company, which Benni had a new appreciation for.

After a while, Benni nodded. “We’ve definitely got it.”

“Yep. So are you gonna get up and make me chicken noodle soup now or what?”

Benni raised an eyebrow, trying to act exasperated but failing. “That’s what I’m here for, right?”

He got up, raised his brows again at the satisfied look on Mats’ face, and prepared to spend the rest of the day pampering his boyfriend.

“Remember to add a little hot sauce!”

“Your wish is my command. And since you’re such a good boy, I’ll add even more than a little.”

“ _Benedikt!_ ”

“Okay, okay, I know!”

\---

Later that day, after Benni and Mats had moved all the blankets and snacks to the couch (and banana peels to the trash) so they could watch a movie, Benni spotted something on the floor.

The Erwin doll.

He leaned over, picked it up, and tucked it under Mats’ chin. “You liked this.”

Mats sniffed disapprovingly, keeping his eyes glued to the movie. “Eww. Schalke.”

“I see that being a baby hasn’t changed your opinion on my club much.”

“Nope. It hasn’t,” Mats said, taking the plush doll between two fingers and tossing it absently at Benni, who caught it and set it on the coffee table.

Well, maybe not _everything_ was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all she wrote, folks. It's been real. Peace out♡


End file.
